4Fostering
Independence in Young Children Nurturing the
small steps toward a lifetime of growth
Parent Spot for Parents of Pre-School Students
Young children's lives are filled with so many "firsts"- their
first shaky steps, their first bites of solid food, the first time
they sleep through the night. Often these milestones can seem like
pure magic to parents. But did you know that these magic moments
are also important first steps toward developing independence?
While some of these life-altering moments happen spontaneously for
children, others need to be nurtured by parents and family
members. Helping even the youngest of children learn to be more
self-sufficient can have far-reaching benefits. Not only will
their daily lives become richer, they will also be better prepared
to take on the social, emotional and learning challenges that come
with starting school.
Baby-steps
toward independence:
An age-by-age guide
Obviously, we're not suggesting that babies feed, diaper and bathe
themselves. So what does independence look like during the early
years? Here are some examples:
Birth to age one
Meeting all of your baby’s needs is the best way to help them feel
safe and secure. This is particularly important when babies are
very young and lack the language to let you know what they’re
asking for. Despite theories to the contrary, research shows that
babies cannot be spoiled with too much holding or snuggling.
Instead, children who learn early on that they can count on mommy,
daddy and others for help and comfort and that home is a safe
place are more willing to take chances later on. They will also
know that, though they might test their wings, they can touch back
with their families and friends when they need help or can use a
boost to their confidence.
Ways you can help:
Respond whenever your baby needs you. Create predictable routines
around mealtime, bath time, book time and nap/bedtime. Baby’s
firsts —pushing up to sit, stacking blocks, babbling with glee at
the cat — are all cause for celebration. When you express pride in
your baby’s accomplishments, you encourage your child to continue
trying.
Age one
As toddlers begin to creep, crawl and walk, the world becomes
theirs to explore. They will also begin to use more words and
simple sentences. Undoubtedly, "No!" will begin to creep into
their vocabulary. Instead of viewing this as disobedience,
consider this as another independence milestone to be celebrated.
Saying "no" signals that toddlers are beginning to understand they
are individuals with their own wants and ideas.
Ways you can
help:
Your job is to find a balance between your toddler’s growing need
to explore and your need to keep your child safe, not to mention
your need to keep order. Spend some time getting your home
toddler-ready (e.g., removing breakables, padding sharp edges and
corners, using outlet covers and safety catches inside cupboards).
Having an explorer in the house can be messy. As much as possible,
try to make peace with up-ended magazine racks and overturned
juice cups. Create baskets of toys or set aside a cupboard or two
filled with child-safe pots and pans, boxes, board books, etc. for
your toddler to explore. Make sure to change the selection of
items frequently.
Build time into your day to let your children discover. Toddlers
learn so much more when walking instead of being wheeled in a
stroller through the park. Give toddlers the time to pull on their
own socks — even if the ones they chose happen to be two different
colors — rather than always being the one to pick what they’ll
wear and dressing them.
Age two
As they grow, cooperation is key. More and more, toddlers want to
try what mommy, daddy or older siblings are doing. Offer choices,
within reason (e.g., "Would you like cereal or pancakes for
breakfast?" "Do you want to wear the pink or the purple
T-shirt?"). This can help toddlers feel they play an important
role in the family and have some power over the decision-making.
Ways you can
help:
Offer your toddler child-sized chores, such as helping sort and
fold clean laundry or sweeping the floor with a dustpan and broom.
Know when to step in and lend a hand. Toddlers’ independence will
ebb and flow, particularly at times of change, such as when they
are sick or a new baby is brought into the family. When they ask,
be prepared to help out. Knowing that they can return to you for
comfort and help, even with a task that they have already
mastered, can build more confidence and encourage children to take
their next independent steps forward.
Ages three to five - the preschool years
During the preschool years, children become more and more capable
of taking on new challenges. Childcare, preschool and play dates
can offer children opportunities to practice spending some time
away from you, meeting new people, making friends, sharing and
working with others. These experiences can all help fuel their
confidence and self-sufficiency.
Ways you can
help:
As they get older and gain confidence, children can take on more
tasks. Encourage them to help make simple meals. Peanut butter or
cream cheese and jelly sandwiches are great "I made it myself"
snacks. Let them choose their clothing for the day and practice
buttoning, zippering and snapping. Setting the table can encourage
responsibility. As a bonus, it’s also a great way for children to
practice simple math skills, such as counting (five plates),
sorting (knives, spoons and forks) and shape recognition (a square
napkin is folded into a triangle.) Be ready to step in and help if
children have tackled a job that’s just too difficult or if they
can’t figure out how to move on.
As children's lives become busier with preschool, friends, sports
and other activities, make sure to build some "downtime" into each
day.
Time without any structured activities gives them freedom to play
what they want and to learn how to entertain themselves.
How
independence benefits school-age children
Kindergarten and other primary grade teachers say that children
who are encouraged to explore and take on personal responsibility
during the early years are often more successful learners when
they enter elementary school. Once they reach school age, children
who have taken healthy risks and who are confident in their
abilities are:
more willing to try new
things, such as working in both large and small groups with
children and teachers they don't know, introducing themselves to
new classmates, tackling such new skills as sounding out letters
or writing their names etc.;
more comfortable working
by themselves;
less emotional when
dealing with change, such as riding the bus to school, a longer
school day and/or being away from their parents for the first
time; and
better able to work out
their differences with other children.
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